Just One Of Those Days …
Another beautiful day. The weather is nice. Everything feels great, even my painful memories in this city that I genuinly want to call mine: my city. A place that I want to belong to but very scared to deliver my heart and soul to.
The modern streets and the old buildings make the experience of living here a splendacious one. I’m heading to my favorite coffee shop owned by an old man that I can’t stop watching once I step inside. He’s a fan of Haruki Murukami. He read all of his books so the coffee is actually inspired by his books which makes the place even more significant.
I had my tea alone inside the coffeeshop, the old man wished me a great day when I left. I feel very connected to him even though I never actually had a conversation with him. Something is special about his character. Maybe we both love lonliness and we don’t stare abnormally at people who are also doing things alone. We appreciate their initiative of feeling powerful enough to show around with their own company feeling good about it regardless of the mad attention they recieve from those who fear walking with their shadows.
The sky is so clean, I can see clean clouds swimming in a very blue sky, sending me a “Just Keep Swimming” vibe. Suddenly a gentle breeze touched my face. My hair started dancing with the rythems of the gentle breeze. I felt peace. However, I didn’t really spend the time alone, someone was chasing my shallow memories at every possible opportunity: my shadow that I no longer have.
But I miss her as much as I hated her once. I wonder if I ever hated her, or even if I ever hated someone, since hate is a strong word. I probably just criticized her quite a lot untill she felt caged in my own thoughts and opinions. But I always loved her.
You might say: “Aren’t we all using love to hurt and cage our beloved ones in the name of protecting them?” I guess it’s right! it’s just the case. Now that I so badly want her to be with me during this one day. I never forget her because she appears in every single part of my life: in the upper blue clean skies, in the cloudy overcasted rainy days, in the darkest late nights and the shiny ones.
I kept walking the streets of the city asking myself if I ever belong here or somewhere? What am I? What would her answer be? She wanted me to stick to the safe side of the sea knowing that I never have the intention to do.
